I will marry sokkmonkey.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Japan in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 4 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Red Audi.
		I will spend my days as a Architect, and live happily ever after.

Because I haven't passed on Foamy Rants in a while, here's a link to:

The Vault

It's been a while since I was a prolific poster in LJ and this is not without reason. Not only have things been busy with making preperations for moving back to the UK and then on to one of few other European destinations, but I also needed the break socially to figure out what I could do with my new found freedom. Sadly, before anything adventurous, in the usual Freja style, could happen, I had to tie up loose ends and deal with financial responsibilities, left for me to deal with, and then I got to a point, psychologically, that forced my return to the metaphysical womb. I went home to Norway and the Family. While the visit did me wonders, and I've returned invigerated, intent on completing tasks and with enough courage to think of myself first, I still have not quite achieved my goals, that will bring about a good end to my American experience. It is once again, the waiting game, for now. See upcoming post on what I really want from life. With purging the un-necessary from my life, to lessen my load, I've had to step away from the journal, at least, I've not been so involved with it, recently. I do catch up, roughly once a week, and attempt to reply, respond and interact, when it's important. This is, however, subject to time constraints, and mood. I'd be lying if I blamed it entirely on not having the time to alott. Stating mood as an issue, is not to say that I have mood swings, any more so than anyone else, but my mood does effect, whether I can allow myself to feel enough, to be -me-, at any given moment. I've had to wall myself off from certain people and certain situations, because they are vampyric, non-gainful, painful or pointlessly tiring. A selfish act, when compared to my usual gait, but completely necessary, if I wish to continue healing and making my life turn around to where I had it heading, before I allowed myself to be distratced from it, for so long.

In not posting as often and not being on tap as much as I was, my journal has suffered. The readership is most definately down, as I expected it to be, and a number of folks, that I do care about, might be feeling abandoned or forgotten. It's not the case. I am here and I do read my friends page. Don't worry, I still love you.

So now, out of nothing more than morbid curiosity, here follows a poll, in which you can elect to tell me if you still read my posts or not, as you see fit:

Poll #1213123 Still With Me?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Sind Sie dort?

(And lilifer gets an extra special gold star, for completing the poll in under 30 seconds of it being posted. >:P Niiiice. Thank you, you're just so ace, I could squee!)

I'm feeling a little poorly. I don't think it was the big glass of Nesquick chocolate milk I had today. And my ears are ringing as if I had tinitus, I can only imagine. My ears also feel like I've dug too deep with the cottonbud. Hmm, some sort of ear infection? Not sure where the heck I picked that up from.

VoicePost 201K 1:02

“Hey everyone. It's a boy. Clara yes Yeah no ___ anybody is doing call and Andres please could you either ___ or text me the date of your birthday because if it's soon then I will pick something up and send it to you. Anyway, yah so get back to me as soon as you can on that one and what else, Its like we're busy playing with gonna be seen Kimmy as well so yah anyway. ___ everyone. See you soon.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post

Ed:What? No It's nothing to do with a boy. Wow, this auto thing messed up really bad. I saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid: Norway, Woohoooo! and Klara, I said I packed my swimsuit. What is the crap near the end? I'll be seeing Tini, not Kimmy. I don't know any Kimmy. How do I delete this rubbish Auto-transcribed nonsense?

Things are moving on. The same people lie, the same people come through. Rich has deployed for 6 months and I'm sompletely alone again. I heard fro Justin, that Jessica was very unwell since coming back from her trip to Luisianna, so I'me sending well wishes to her. Rich got pro oted so I am hoping that the little extra each month can be put in the moving kitty without much moaning from him.

I'm spending a lot of time in Second Life but I have unchecked a number of people on the contatcts list as they tend to leap on me as soon as I appear, one or two in particualr see me as some sort of guru to learn building from, when I am only two months into this thing myself. So if I do appear, it's five minutes of doing what I'd like to achieve before someone or another, pops up in IM to ask me for help. I want to help because not many helped me when I first got into it. I now have two toons. One who closely resembles me in real life if I were transposed to Steampunk Victoriana, and the other called 23, who has, for some reason become either Indian, wearing sarees and bindhis and mendhi, or does a complete swap around and becomes a dancing geisha girl with traditional makeup and kimonos. I'm infatuated in learning as much as I can and Rune is helping tremendously, especially in the Ballon airship department. I've probably got to go back and apologise to a number of people for not making myself availabkle for the past two weeks. Oh and I had my SL cherry popped, but someone who lives an hour away from my mum, small world in it's giganticness. It's basically cyber but has an added complication that if you can work around, proves a bpnus. Aos make the man, apparently. *Sniggers into her hand*. Anyway,SL is lots of fun but the pool is now repaired and they even fixed the lights for night swimming, so I'm probably going to be too tired after 2 hours or mermaiding to put my brain into action of making goodies like tattoos. I most especially want to say Heloooo and sorry to Skusting Dagger and Elvisomar, for on one count moreorless suddenly disappearing and on the other for deny your friend request as I had no clue that you were Mr. leominster. I will dutifully send a new request to you, and I hope you forgive me.

With it being summer, I am living off of cheese, cuke and ginger sarnies, lots of lime ice lollies and in my skanty pjs with fans blasting and the doors all wide open. I'm curing nicely, night and day with the fans blowing on my skin, nicely.Damn it I am going to eat a chocolate muffin.

Hmmm, not sure what else to type. I did have something all profound to impart, which was the reason for my posting, initially, but it's floated off into the netherether.Must have been the solution to world war, then.

Oh, I'm bored of food too. Bored of having to eat. the mechanation: the flavours available: the end result having to happen. The whole process. Which surely doesn't make sense but mkay. Will I be bored of breathing next?

What inane shit I type. I think I've lost my thang. >:/

Rune has an LJ now.

These bloody days have broken my heart.
My lust, my youth, did then depart,
And blind desire of estate.
Who hastes to climb seeks to revert.
Of truth, circa regna tonat.

Thomas Wyatt

Made me titter anyway:



Can you tell that SL is down?
In other news, Rich made his will legal today. Was a lark 'til JAG got all serious and sculked him off to sign it where the beneficiary, (cest moi), couldn't co-erce him... Hhahahahhaahaha. Dumb-arses.
Still more news. I decided to take the Sons of Norway up on the invite to join. The Valhalla Lodge here, is 'f'ing huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge. I may not ever need to go home. Okej, I will, 'cause too many things here, suck slippery dank balls.

Hails from Denmark. It's cherry and sugarbeet, 32 proof, starts out cool and syrupy then three seconds later, warms like cognac. Any guesses as to what this is?

Congrats to Conan & Mischa!

I'm all intrigued by a guy who lives and plays in NY, I think. I don't know much about him aside from being talented musically and artistically. Not even sure of his real name. He seems kinda brooding, dangerous and finally, oh thank you fridge godz, finally, a smidge older than me. It's not like I'm setting my bonnet to him or anything, I'm just all curious about him, becasuse shadows seem to be his friend.

Rich met a woman called Twinkle Van Winkle in Oxford, Mississppi. No, seriously. Twinkle is on her birth certificate. He likes her. He's booked to go back to that town when he gets back from deploymant and see if there's any chance of tapping it. He's such a bad man. >:) If he can keep his emotions unattached, then it could be spiffy, but I doubt he will be able to. Whatever he sticks his wick in, get's his all. Which is of concern to me, naturally, because that would mean he'd stop doing right by me, back over in the UK. Le sigh. I'm not sure if I am mean enough to wish either of them on each other.

I learnt how to make tattoos in SL. So I am going to see if I can transfer my numerous flashes onto tga files and AV templates, etc. The guy who makes the tattoos I like, hasn't got anything new at the moment, for my toon to model, so I'm forced to have a bash at it myself. Reluctant though I am to remove his, to try new ones out. This same man will be the bloke I mentioned earlier in the post, of brooding note.

I'm taking one day at a time and in my stride. Not letting any bullying or manipultion tactics bar my route to getting home and safe. Though lately, honesty has been lodgeing here, so the mood is not so fraught.

Ok, everybody peeps, I hear the Danish drinky calling. Must go and relinquish control of the world for a short while. I miss feeling that at the hands of another. It doesn't really compare, but while the options are limited, (I did that to myself), it will do to get me by.

Bye bye, for now.

There is a very difference between havign drama in yiur life and having complicstions. My situation is the latter and in so being, is workable. I do not allow anyone to take my human rights away from me. Not anyymore. I sold them to the Army for 10 yars. Despite the hardships and turmoil that occupation ushered at me, I survived and even loved it. Since civvy street, it's been a rollercoaster, and I don't like those. Hard to explain why to anyone that hasn't actually faced death, why a cheap thrill ride, isn't fun, but most of my friends are intelligent enough to guess. >:) Drama dogged my life when I lived in Brighton. Followed me around because I fed it a scrap way back when I first moved there. i got away from it all frequently, working in Germany and Belgium, mostly. I inistigated a purge. I rid myself of those two-faced, maliflous and/or down right mental. The wheat from the chaff. Life ragain a purpose and a zillion times more meaning. The last three years had drama to begin with, but has pietered out into just one complication after another. You learn how to switch certain things off in the military and as much as it is not something you ever want to engage in your life, it comes in handy, when the drama llama wants back in.

With the recent indignant display from someone who still hasn't found who she is yet, neither have I for that matter, the differennce being, the way you conduct yourself and treat those around you while you search, I am reminded what having drama in your life can do. It alienates you from good friends. It hides the truth from you and if, worse still, you allow it to overwhelm you, at the rong moment, you lose everything even when you think you have gained it all. I do wish that everything wonderful happens for her on her journey and that everything is fabulous enough for her when she gets there. But I will not be made to feel guilty or inpolite for asking civil questions where my security is concerned and will not accept that I my beliefs are any less right than anyone elses. I'm done with that. it's a form of bullying. It's a bullying tactic that the drama llama teaches. I also do not respond to further insult. however fancily it's put. I'm very annoyed that someone I love can be so narrow-minded.

I may have lost a friend, but in the long and short of it, I believe she may have actually, lost me.

Sorry I missed wishing Happy Birthday to a few of you over the May Day period. Belated wishes of joy to you all. Walpurgisnacht was also missed, so don't feel too bad.

I bought a good old cuckoo clock from a even older German lady, recently. It still plays a quick eidelweiss ditty and cuckoos the hour and half hour. The little birdie is white and the front view scene is that of a watermill, chalet type house with eidelweiss flowers in the flower boxes. It's a 1938, Berlin made piece and I'll be taking it home soon. Which is why she let it go, to me. We prattled in German, over tea and crumpets that I brougt her from the British Shoppe. Oh and real jam too. I wish I could take her with me, but she's been told she cannot fly now. Not so much that she's too old, but because the risk of thrombosis for her is very real. I wonder if I could send her a rescue ship, once I'm settled. She also married an American man, who was a member of a specific group here in the States, in 1931, and thought this country would be the brave new world, it's never quite had the guts to be. She and a number of other matters have been the reason I have not been online so much lately.

Today, I hope to take Jess 'The Best' out on the town and buy her something nice for her birthday. This evening, around midnight, I need to collect Rich from the airport, as he's flying back in from Philly. Today is also the one from last day, of the week dedicated to grace. Let's hope I can keep it up, until sunday morning, with Rich around to antagonise me. the way he usually does. Hopefully he got his baiting jollies at his family's homes over the last week and won't be in the mood to give me gyp.

P.S. vacuuming slowly brings about cleaner carpets and some strange 50's Hoover advert stance.

This week will dedicated to grace. Everything will be slown down. My walk to my plans. Spread evenly and calmly over the next five days. Rising from bed, showering, preparing food, cleaning, packing, driving, shopping, swimming, and even talking. I've mastered speed. The new challenge is to see everything on the way.

With trying to get quite a few things done before Rich's deployment and my eventual return to the UK, drawing every closer, I've not had much time to reply to many of the responses left on my last two serious posts. I would just like to take the spare minute or two I have, to say thank you to you specifically. You are my rock. It is true that so many of you, I have yet to meet in person, but please know that it has and is your continued support, love and kindness that has brought me out of the dank cave, emerging, if still somewhat fragile, a nonetheless better woman for have knowing you.

I'll never be able to show you how much your thoughts, deeds and words have meant to me.

I know that many of you are going through far more serious trials, and yet you still took time to council, listen and send me your strength. I know that you will see better times, because the World owes it to you. And a side note to one lady, who even though she has a higher mountain to face, still sent me some of her much needed care and encouragement. Thank you. I know you will be fine, in body, heart and mind.

On that chord, thank you to everyone. I love you very much.

I got through the last week, because I knew this week coming, I was going to the firing range.

I'm so completely alone. I begin anew. Sometimes, there's nothing else for it. Cut your loses, they say. The feeling of being abandoned and finding out that all the time and love you have invested in some people is for naught, strikes heavy. Especially at this time in my life. I will be going home shortly. Lighter, freer.... sadder. Rich's new leaf turns out to be merel the Emperor's new clothes. After a half bottle of wine, the truth eeks out and the old rut looms into view. He's not alone in deceiving me, betraying me, or simply pulling the rug out from under me through spite. Others.. well, others should know better and keep their tempers in check, I do not deserve ill will nor inpatience, considering what I do do for them, willingly. I can't believe that the world is this crappy. I refuse to believe it. Feeling robbed, no, mugged and visciously so.

This is no bleeting note. Comments are not needed. Just had to get it off my chest

I spoke to Muttileine on the phone this morning,... yesterday morning. Days bleed together at the moment. She and I both are so disappointed. Not in me, but at the treatment I've received. Where I am, is not a good place for a good person. As aggravating as it is to 'go back home', I -need- unconditional kindness as mine is spent and mostly wasted on people not worth the trouble.

Recharge, re-plan, re everything.

A little place of my own, a four legged companion, a job, a purpose, a hobby or two. Seclusion. I was withdrawn when I first came here, but was forced to be bold so I wouldn't be trampled and used... well not as used as I would have been, if I hadn't stood up for myself.

I've found, sadly, that I cannot rely on anyone, aside from my mother, obviously. Thank the fridge godz for her. I am not ungrateful for any help, advice or friendship offered to me, nor do I begrudge all I've done for others. No-one can really rely on anyone else in life. It's possibly the toughest lesson. Even harder than love is not 'love' as you fantasise it to be.

I've become bitter, and not without cause. I care a little less. Too bruised to take anymore hits. Quite fragile. Tread with care. I deserve some respect, kindness and healing.

Not that I expect many replies, if any, but, if you think you could be the best friend to the best friend I can be, let me know. I'll be in the UK again, shortly. AFter some pampering and mother love, I'll venture out again. Ever wanted a true friend that really does give all and who really does know the meaning of friendship? Apply within.

Lastly, I'm still dreaming of Alaska, when I sleep. Anyone have any clue why that might be? I'm flummaxed.

(All comments to this post, screeened. Please be gentle.)

Cray nomni et valdi cianso. Out!